There never really was a point at which I thought it could end this way. I've experienced love in many forms, but for the first time I've found out that the sort of love that only wants someone to be happy really does exist. I'd give anything to be the one that makes you happy, but you've made your decision, and that's not me. But I can't just stop loving you... but I've found that I can take a tiny bit of solace in the fact that you'll be happy. That for possibly the first time in your life you want to put yourself in the hands of someone who will love you for real.
It couldn't leave me in much worse of a place, but it's not about me, is it? Love can't be. I don't know if I'll ever see you again. I don't know if we'll ever really talk. Over the course of one conversation one of the most important people to ever come into my life is gone.
But at least it wasn't before I could tell you just how deeply I love you.
And at least it seems you'll be happy.
it's 3am, and i can't sleep. i couldn't be much more exhausted, either. But i'm totally gone. All I can think is how I've ruined it... ruined everything. My whole life has been creeping closer to an abyss, and apparently I was right at the edge.. all I needed was a little push. And she gave that to me. I don't see any escape anymore. I don't know of anything left to hope in. In this moment right now, I would choose death. No contest...if only I had a choice to be made. I just don't know of anything else that will make the rest of it all stop.
She had a choice.
She could have chosen the first guy to really love her. She could have chosen the one who saw her for who she is, and fell for the real her. She could have chosen someone who wasn't going to use her. She could have chosen the person she admitted was the one who she had never felt so strongly about.
But she didn't. And I'll never understand why.
