2 years ago today i started this blog.  i never would have guessed how many great friends i would have met in the process.  last year, for my one year blogaversary i made a list of those people and shared why they were special to me.  head back to that one if thats what you're looking for.  none of those sentiments have changed... and many have grown stronger.  and sure there would be people to add to that list, but i'll trust those people know they are thought of and are special to me.

2 years ago today i started this blog.  with it came a place to blog anonymously about my struggles and joys.  about the things i was learning, and the things i wanted to teach.  about the good and the bad.  about my ugliness and the grace that i was still given.  as time went on i met a lot of people.  some found out my name.  some i talked to on the phone.  one i met in person.  and onei'm embarking on a beautiful relationship with.

in thinking how i would mark my 2nd blogaversary on mindsay a lot of things came to mind... but they all led back to the same thought...  this blog... nobody @ mindsay... has served its purpose.  and i think it has run its course.

and so, here now, on my 2nd blogaversary, nobody @ mindsay is now closed. 

but for anyone who may still care for it, i am leaving with one parting gift...  the anonymity will be gone...  my name is mike.  i live in salina, kansas.  and its been a pleasure sharing this community with you.

i'm planning on keeping my blog and login id, so i can continue to check in on some blogs here and comment on them.  i'm also inviting you to the blog i started last march.  what has become my real blog... the one where i leave behind my anonymity, and i hope to, in fully doing so, have a blog that can actually fully represent who i am.  you'll find its different from this one... not always introspective... not always deep...  but always mike.  i hope to see you over at Christianarchy.

december 2003:
while dating someone... someone whom i truly thought i would marry... just a week before Christmas... she tells me that she doesn't have feelings for me. that she was simply filling a void in her life. my heart was broken in a way that it never had before. a few weeks later this blog was born as a way to cope with the hurt.

december 2004:
not dating anyone. but i had recently acknowledged feelings for someone. she had long ago recognized her feelings for me. while decorating my Christmas tree i she called and mentioned a friend. as i asked more questions about this friend she informed me that she was confident that she was going to marry him. my heart didn't break that time, but no rejection can ever feel good.

december 2005:
today. not dating anyone. but in the process of falling in love. and her with me. both wanting nothing more than to be together. but because of circumstances beyond anyone's control, save the Lord's, she decides that we can never be together. in the process i say something stupid and hurtful, that i didn't even mean. and she was gone. i don't know if i'll ever get to talk to her again. i don't know if it will ever be made right. but i know that when two people are developing strong feelings for each other... and the relationship is ended... thats a broken heart... shattered into more pieces than any i've ever experienced before.

Lord, i hate december.

no wonder i struggle so much with the waiting. i forget how much every fiber of my being wants to give up on the wait and try to grasp for it now. i constantly forget how easy it would be for me to blow everything. i forget how much waiting, without a promise of what you're waiting on... or even an understanding that you should be waiting... that she hasn't already given up... just hurts. i never realized uncertainty can feel that way. its amazing how being so close can make you smile one minute and choke back tears the next.

i've never been good with delayed gratification. i suppose i've never tried too hard to be. well i'm trying now. i know just how much could be at stake.

and so i wait...